My wife and I have left a couple churches over the last 10 years. The first church is the one I came to Christ in, and we stayed with them for eight years, long after we stopped feeling like we belonged there. The second church we stopped going to because I had to move to Virginia to work, and my wife didn't feel like "part of the family".
The first church, I was ready to lead us away, but for some reason my wife felt like she should keep going there. During the decline of our being part of that church, she stopped going entirely. She went during the week to work on the church pantry, throwing out all the expired food that was brought in (another "What The Heck Are They Thinking?" topic). I only went to church when I had to run the computer or sound board. Otherwise I didn't bother going. I would slip in the back, do what I had to do, and leave.
I found it odd that other members of the church would tell us they hadn't seen us in months and they "missed us". Right. You have our phone numbers. If you missed us so much, why haven't you called? We haven't called you because we know you invited everybody else but us to your childrens' last two birthdays and we can take a hint.
Inevitably, a church will go through the rolls to see who hasn't been to church in a while. They they "reach out" to you in a method that one wonders if the church isn't on some drugs they didn't share while you worshipped with them. You'll get a postcard that says something like "We missed you! Why don't you come to our Christmas program! It'll be fun!"
And that's what I want to ask about. When you leave a church because you don't feel like you belong there, what missing part of the brain prevents pastors, elders, and secretaries from thinking "Maybe they don't feel like valued parts of the family anymore? Is treating them the same way we would treat seekers from the community really the best way to do it?"
Somehow, I doubt most churches ever spend that much brainpower on the subject. They just continue on with whatever they're doing. "I don't know what's wrong with them. We invited them to see our Christmas program. How rude for not coming!"
To all the pastors, elders, church secretaries, and anybody else who wonders why people left your church and won't come back, why don't you try this:
"Hi! We haven't seen you in a while. Why doesn't your family come over for dinner? We'd love to see you again. No, you don't have to bring anything. We've got it". I would respond to that. I'll show up for food. But when I leave a church because we've long since been passed over for friendship and fellowship by the rest of the members, I don't give a sheep dropping about your Christmas or VBS program.
The first church, I was ready to lead us away, but for some reason my wife felt like she should keep going there. During the decline of our being part of that church, she stopped going entirely. She went during the week to work on the church pantry, throwing out all the expired food that was brought in (another "What The Heck Are They Thinking?" topic). I only went to church when I had to run the computer or sound board. Otherwise I didn't bother going. I would slip in the back, do what I had to do, and leave.
I found it odd that other members of the church would tell us they hadn't seen us in months and they "missed us". Right. You have our phone numbers. If you missed us so much, why haven't you called? We haven't called you because we know you invited everybody else but us to your childrens' last two birthdays and we can take a hint.
Inevitably, a church will go through the rolls to see who hasn't been to church in a while. They they "reach out" to you in a method that one wonders if the church isn't on some drugs they didn't share while you worshipped with them. You'll get a postcard that says something like "We missed you! Why don't you come to our Christmas program! It'll be fun!"
And that's what I want to ask about. When you leave a church because you don't feel like you belong there, what missing part of the brain prevents pastors, elders, and secretaries from thinking "Maybe they don't feel like valued parts of the family anymore? Is treating them the same way we would treat seekers from the community really the best way to do it?"
Somehow, I doubt most churches ever spend that much brainpower on the subject. They just continue on with whatever they're doing. "I don't know what's wrong with them. We invited them to see our Christmas program. How rude for not coming!"
To all the pastors, elders, church secretaries, and anybody else who wonders why people left your church and won't come back, why don't you try this:
"Hi! We haven't seen you in a while. Why doesn't your family come over for dinner? We'd love to see you again. No, you don't have to bring anything. We've got it". I would respond to that. I'll show up for food. But when I leave a church because we've long since been passed over for friendship and fellowship by the rest of the members, I don't give a sheep dropping about your Christmas or VBS program.
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