A Man Spending Time With His Friends Is Good For A Marriage

I came across a blog post today referencing an article on "bromances", a term I am not fond of. I do not engage in such things. I hang out with the guys. I do have some close friends, and spending time with them is certainly beneficial. Two of my best friends are Navy buddies. We served together, and 14 years later are still in touch (I'm old enough to have retired from the military.) I went to see Skyfall with a friend yesterday. With my reading about game lately, it was interesting to note that Bond is masculine. He has a leather face and a permanent scowl. No "metro-sexual" here.

 

When I was younger, I always hated watching good friends get married, because almost inevitably, their wives would choke off our friendships. One of my friends had a wife who let us get together to drink beer and go to computer shows (not at the same time, but that could be fun). She was rare.

 

As I read that short blog post, I was reminded of one of my Kindle highlights, so I went to retrive it and write about it. From the book "What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Sex":

 

"Time with the guys will improve sex with your wife." A recent study found that a man's testosterone level decreases when he's in a romantic relationship but increases when he spends time with other guys.' A few hours hanging out with the guys will increase your desire for your wife. God made us so that time with other men makes us long for the woman we love. Explain this to your wife the next time she protests when you want to play basketball with the guys.

So ladies, if you want your man to be a better husband, let him go out and do things with his friends. It's better for both of you.

I'm in a situation now where, as a geographic bachelor, I get to spend as much time with friends as time allows. Back in New Jersey, I had very few friends because New Jersey is an insular society that is almost impossible to penetrate if you didn't go to high school there.

Female Hysterics

Here's a video from Aaron Cleary. He mostly directs his talks to younger men coming of age in a world about to get hit with hyperinflation and decline. A world where a college degree is approximately worthless (except in subjects that actually require hard work). A world where women don't value men.

In this video he talks about hysterics. When a woman flips out for no apparent reason, and everything you try to do to make the situation better only makes her worse. I wish I'd had this video 12 years ago.


I've never understood why women act like this. I've also never understood why they get away with it. This kind of behavior is not acceptable for adults. Is it just because they're "Daddy's Little Angel" and are simply never corrected?

Having been there myself, I totally understand why an insecure young man, afraid he'll never get another date again, will put up with it. Or an insecure young husband will put up with it. 

The "Leading" of a Christian Wife

This is obviously meant to be satirical. Still, ladies, can you spot this kind of thinking in your own hearts? Men, do you notice this in your wives?

I can. I've seen it in my wife, and in many of my friends' wives.

By the way, here is an excerpt from "Love and Respect" (referenced in that article) that I have underlined, boxed in, circled, and highlighted almost to the point where I can't read it anymore. From the middle of page 233:

What I see happening in some marriages is that the wife believes or appears to believe that she does not sin. In many other marriages, the only sin that a wife will readily admit to is her negative reaction to her husband's failure to be loving or for losing patience with the children. Beyond these areas, women do not see themselves as sinning, even though they readily admit bad habits and wrong attitudes. They write these off to chemical imbalances, hormonal problems, or dysfunction due to family of origin. 

I made the mistake when I was younger of putting women on pedestals. Women often are beautiful and have soft voices and it was easy to assume angelic or pure qualities of them. I learned this is wrong. Women are capable of having hearts as dark and cold as men's. In some ways, women are capable of being far more cruel and manipulative than men.

This is not meant to be a bad thing. It's meant to be an honest thing. I've done a lot of reading over the last year or so into a subject called "game". Most bloggers in this genre focus solely on the aspect of picking up girls. Others, like Vox Day, write about the socio/sexual aspects of male/female relations. I've tried for the last several months to think of how to add my unique voice to this subject, especially in regards to the topic of this blog of Christian Family Life. 

Andy Andrews: 12 Ways to Create Memories

I shortened the title. Andy Andrews had a post on his blog today giving 12 suggestions to create memories with your family. It's intended for the season of the holidays. I'm sure it's good for other things. #6 is out for me since my family is in New Jersey, a full service state. I often do get out and pump my own gas when they let me get away with it. When the pump shuts off, I can still fit 3 gallons in the tank.

And of course, since we homeschool, I really don't have to care if teachers are happy or annoyed with keeping the children up late on a "school night". They often stay up later than I'm capable of.

Book Review: The Power of the Prophetic Blessing by John Hagee

I was asked if I'd be interested in reviewing The Power of the Prophetic Blessing. I agreed to review the book.

I wasn't sure what to expect. I haven't read very much by John Hagee, if anything. I know he's well thought of in many regards. Lately, I've found books written by pastors to be hard to read. Many of them write like they're in the pulpit, the material is soft or basic, and they repeat themselves and add in a bunch of stories. I often struggle with stories and anecdotes, since they tend to be subjective, especially in spiritual matters. Just because a pastor can produce a story that seems to agree with his point doesn't mean the point is a universal. So lately I've been real picky about the pastor written books I read.

I did enjoy The Power of the Prophetic Blessing. Of course, it has many "pastorisms" in it, but they didn't detract too much. I found a few assumptions I wasn't sure I agreed with, but for the most part, it's well written and the stories aren't too subjective.

Thoughts on Marital Communication

This post will probably be a lot of rambling. I hope it can be helpful to somebody.

I got hung up on last night. It was probably my fault. It had to do with communicating. I kind of knew was what being said, but I was focused more of the words that were used, which were incorrect and fallacious.

What I should have done is pay attention to the feelings behind the words. What is being said rather than how it is being said.

It's no secret that men and women are different. We have different physiologies, we see the world differently, our brains process things differently. We have slightly different feelings. We have different concerns. In many ways, we are the same, but there are some core differences. These can cause a lot of problems.

Accountability

One element essential to a successful life is to have a friend you can count on to throw the "BS" flag on you when you need it. When you're deceiving yourself, or going in the wrong direction, you need somebody you trust to call you on it, no matter how painful it happens to be. The pain is worth it.

Cutting Leaders Off At The Knees

I came across an interesting post this week. It’s also timely, considering Mother’s Day is coming up.

If you attend church, you may have noticed a trend. On Mother’s Day, the sermon is usually centered around Mary or Samuel’s mother Hannah. It praises all the hard working single mothers, and all the mothers and the wonders and joys they bring to life. And there’s nothing wrong with that, at least on the surface.

My Policy on Swearing

I am a former sailor. I read Cracked.com. I watch South Park. I am no stranger to foul language. I know what it is, and I know how to use it.

I've been fairly good in my life with keeping my vocabulary clean in situations where those words would not go over well, or would be a poor influence when I'm supposed to be a good influence.

I know some families who are able to keep their children from watching TV, or severely restrict TV watching. That doesn't work for our family. My wife and I both have shows we like, and the kids are always there. I'll let her speak for her own shows, but the kids have been in the room with each of us as we watch our preferred shows.. I tend to avoid shows with gratuitous cussing, but some "damn" and "hell" are unavoidable in many cases. Also in some cases, slang terms for anatomy have become mainstream. They're going to show up.

An Unwalled City

I recently relaunched this blog with a crossover post from my main blog, The Stand Up Philosopher. I was challenged to read Nehemiah from the perspective of male leadership, and it was enlightening.

In the post, I wondered why Nehemiah saw Jerusalem as a reproach without walls. I asked:

For one thing, Nehemiah considered Jerusalem as a reproach with the walls down. Putting the walls back up would make the city no longer a reproach. I have to wonder if there is anything I can draw from that. Is a person, a family, a church, a group, a society, etc. a reproach with a broken wall, a lack of boundaries, or no form of defensive security and self-containment? Is there a broader application?

I've found something of an answer in Proverbs 25:28:

A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.

At the time I recorded that verse in my journal, I was dealing with some anger and boundary issues. I've always had a problem with that. I've been too open, and it cost me a lot of trust from people close to me. 

Through that phase, I started learning self-control. I started learning how to deal with my anger, especially in how I respond. I also started to learn how to separate and compartmentalize parts of my life. I don't think I've ever had trouble with bringing work home, but I've often had trouble with bringing home to work. When I was upset about something at home, it affected my ability to work, and interact with people at work.

I think I finally got that fixed within the last couple of years. I guess you could say I built some appropriate walls.

Nehemiah From the Perspective of Male Leadership

This is a cross post. I originally wrote this on my main blog, The Stand Up Philosopher, about three years ago. I've been thinking about bringing this blog back. People have read it and told me they like my writing. I'm going to kick off the relaunch of Christian Family Life with this repost, then I'll post a series of Proverbs that helped me several years ago while I was dealing with some anger and boundary issues. This was originally posted January 29, 2009. I'm no longer a member of that church for various reasons, one of which being distance.
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My church is going to start a new men’s group. It’s proven to be a real challenge as we are a “freeway church”, that is, our membership is pretty well spread out. We’re not a community church where our membership generally lives nearby. My house is currently about 10 miles from the church, and if we sell and move into my in-laws’, I’ll be 20 miles out. Some people come from even farther. We’re also incredibly busy. Trying to find a date and time for a men’s group to meet has been difficult. I can’t do breakfast meetings because I get to work at 6:30 AM. We finally settled on Thursday afternoon, with our first meeting being today. We’ll see how it goes.

In preparation for our first meeting, I read the book of Nehemiah from the perspective of male leadership. For the past several weeks our pastors have been preaching from Nehemiah. Several things stood out to me during this read. For one thing, Nehemiah considered Jerusalem as a reproach with the walls down. Putting the walls back up would make the city no longer a reproach. I have to wonder if there is anything I can draw from that. Is a person, a family, a church, a group, a society, etc. a reproach with a broken wall, a lack of boundaries, or no form of defensive security and self-containment? Is there a broader application? I don’t like to over-spiritualize or allegorize parts of the Bible for which neither was intended, but in many cases there is a deeper message. I don’t have the answer now, but I do plan to study this.