New Post; I Guess I'm Back

I started this blog in 2005 after my second child was born. I've never felt qualified to write it. I felt like I failed at everything and was the worst example for what I wanted to model. 

I haven't written on this blog since my divorce in 2013. But, people were actually reading this blog during the times I started and stopped writing it. And I've been wanting to write again. I maintain a blog under my own name, and I'm thinking of using that for more professional material. But living a successful Christian life with my family is important to me, as it is important to you. 

I've had many failures in life. I've lost a job, I've been through a divorce, I've been deep in debt, I've missed opportunities. I've spent years only seeing my children about two weeks a year. Lots of heartache and despair. 

 I've fought battles and survived. I've learned a lot in that time. I've taken advice that is at best abstract and nearly useless and figured out how to make it practical. I've wrestled with many subjects. 

 You may have found yourself in a situation where the advice you get from pastors and other Christians isn't very helpful. "You should pray!" Like you don't already know that. But what does it mean? 

 Since my last post on this blog, I've remarried. The two boys in that "Family picture" in the top right? They now work at the same McDonalds and have learner's permits. They live with me now as I strive to get them across the finish line to manhood. I spend a sinificant amount of time driving them back and forth to work and church, but there are greater problems to have than two teenagers who enjoy the high school ministry and activities at church. 

 With remarriage came a stepson and much learning, failure, and progress. He is now 19, and the oldest of the three. 

 Perhaps I do have something useful to say. The design for family was meant to be practiced in community. We lack that in our 21st century society. I grew up in the military, and somehow got the message that I was supposed to serve and settle where I land. I ended up far from family in an insular state. I was lost when I first got married and had children. I had few examples to model, and little help. I didn't know what questions to ask, and I didn't have many people I could go to for help. I was on my own. And that's not how it's supposed to work. Most advice was useless. I get "love your wife as Christ loved the church", but what does that MEAN? How do you carry it out? It's too abstract, and yet pastors and fellow Christians throw it at you like it's supposed to help. 

 And when you fail at it, somehow it's your fault. 

When you need to know something like, say, how to replace a toilet valve, it does you no good to find a YouTube video or instructions that say "love your toilet as Mike Rowe loved Dirty Jobs." You need step by step, understandable instructions. And I will take that as my mission: to give understandable, actionable steps for a Christian Family Life. 

I won't be able to solve all problems (I sure haven't for myself), but I will try to make things understandable in a way you may not have seen. I have forged a unique perspective over the course of my life so far. Maybe something I've experienced or learned can help you. 

 One change I made from my own life is telling my children to think about staying in this area. To quote a line from the end of Battlestar Galactica "Where we are is where we'll stay." It caused me physical pain, but in our current climate, I told them to avoid the military. I am at least 3rd generation military, maybe 4th or 5th according to some draft cards I found on Ancestry. One of my boys was excited to be another generation of military in our family, but I don't think that's a good idea at this time. I think they need to settle in this area so when they have their own families, they won't be cut off from support like I was. And having taught both of them how to drive, I told them they owe me grandchildren so they can experience that rite of passage on their own.