Can The Military Prepare You For Life's Challenges?

 I'm taking a men's class at church on Wednesday nights. It's Tony Evans' "Kingdom Men Rising". During the last class, a man in the class asked something about if those of us who have been in the military are better prepared to deal with life's challenges. I don't recall the exact question. I didn't get a chance in the discussion to answer him, but I felt my blog would be a good place for my thoughts, especially with the Spiritual Warfare posts I started and haven't pursued.

I say no. Military training is designed for things you'll face in the military, not for life in general. Many veterans leave the military and are not very successful at life. Even while they're still in the military, they are not very good at life in general. Most of that comes from your upbringing or your own attempts at personal growth.

Consider the number of beggars at intersections with signs saying something like "Homeless veteran please help." Many on active duty can't balance a checkbook, can't avoid debt going into collections, and can't even master the relatively simple task of not getting a hooker pregnant or ending up at Medical with Gonorrhea.

I'm not trying to bash my brothers in arms in the least. I'm just making my point that the military doesn't necessarily train you to handle life. They have all kinds of programs available, but I don't think most service members or veterans take advantage of them. I didn't. I don't know if they're any good or not.

You can develop a mindset from the military to give you perspective in life. When everybody is freaking out at work, it's like "OK, so we're going to miss an arbitrary deadline and somebody is going to be mad at us. So what? Nobody is shooting at us, nothing is on fire, and we're not eating powdered eggs. Push on."

It can take a while to develop perspective. I was 24 when I left the Navy. I'm in my late 40's now. When I face a challenge, I just think "Well, I survived Boot Camp, I survived deployment, I survived being fired. I survived divorce, I survived crushing debt. I'll survive this too. It's not a big deal."

In the military you may hear the phrase "embrace the suck." Some things just suck, and all you can do is keep pushing through them. I've heard a quote attributed to Winston Churchill that goes something like "If you find yourself going through Hell, keep going."

I had a thought many years ago about the wilderness and preparation. Moses spent 40 years herding sheep before God called him to go back to Egypt. I imagine this former prince needed to be properly humbled before undertaking that task. Even Paul spent 3 years in Arabia in preparation for his ministry.

Sometimes when we find ourselves in the wilderness, maybe it's just God preparing us for some task ahead. Just keep pushing. Embrace the suck. Spend the time praying and learning what you can. Read some books. Try to develop new friendships. Expand your horizon if you can. Sooner or later, you may find yourself restored or called into something greater.

Proverbs 18:1 has become something of a "life verse" for me:

18 Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; 

he breaks out against all sound judgment. 

 The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Pr 18). (2016). Crossway Bibles.

Don't allow yourself to become isolated. It's a trap. When you're isolated, you may end up with the heretical thought that you're alone. Nobody else is facing this, and nobody is qualified to help. It's delusion. If you reach out, you may find (you will find) that you're not the first to go through this, and you won't be the last. This is why we need some kind of spiritual fire teams. We are not meant to be a spiritual "Army of one" (one of the US Army's WORST recruiting slogans.)

Guest Post: Mercy And Forgiveness by A Friend of Mine

A friend of mine wrote this. I thought it was good and asked if I could post it to this blog. He did not desire attribution. I started a series on practical spiritual warfare tactics, and more posts will come. We need an understanding of mercy and forgiveness and I do not consider myself an authority on forgiveness, so I will let my friend discuss it.

I have had a thought in my mind lately about how, as Christians, how we die is a greater witness than how we live. I think my friend hits on that topic pretty well.

I have seen the movie my friend refers to, "Paul: Apostle of Christ" starring Jim Caviezel as Luke. It is very good. It's available on Pure Flix. I copied this from a pdf, so any formatting errors are mine from pasting into Blogger's editor and trying to fix the line breaks. The post begins below:

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One of my earliest memories of Sunday School was the story of Jesus’ arrest at Gethsemane. I remember feeling the frustration at the disciples as they could not stay awake while Jesus prayed but when Judas came to arrest Him, things got a bit more interesting:

John 18:10

 “Then Simon Peter, who had a sword, drew it and struck the High Priest’s servant, cutting off his right ear…”

I remember thinking to myself, “Yes! Fight for Jesus! Don’t let them arrest Him!”

Luke 22:51

 ‘But Jesus answered, “No more of this!” And He touched the man’s ear and healed him.’

Really?!?! No fight to defend Jesus? 

This attitude permeated much of my younger life. I wanted to be militant in my defense of Jesus and Christianity but couldn’t understand why even the Apostles didn’t defend themselves when arrested or the people didn’t stop them from being arrested.

Acts Chapter 4 - Peter and John before the Sanhedrin.

Acts 7:54-59 - The stoning of Stephen

 Acts 8:1-3 - Persecution and scattering of the church

 Acts 12 - King Herod persecuting the Christians and arresting them, James killed by the sword

Throughout the entire New Testament you read about the persecutions that had been levied against Christians but not a single uprising, no defense, not even a scuffle.

I couldn’t understand why, if they truly believed Jesus to be the Son of God, that He died for our sins, was resurrected and ascended into heaven, why weren’t they much more adamant about protecting themselves and ensuring they were able to worship without persecution? After all, Israel was charged by God to take back their homeland after leaving Egypt, were they not? 

What changed with Jesus’ coming? Why does God allow Christians to continue to be persecuted to this day throughout the world?

In my youth, I had agreed with the original concept of the Crusades: to defend the faith. I wanted to be able to take a stand against those that were defiling churches, burning Bibles, desecrating and removing crosses and generally make sure the world knew not to mess with Christians. Whether it was from respect for our worship or fear of Christians pushing back, I wanted to make sure the persecutions of Christians came to an end.

I continually struggled with the reasons why. I tried to find any scrap of evidence in the Bible where God gave us a license to defend ourselves against the persecution.

I found not one verse.

I watched the movie Paul - Apostle of Christ with Jim Caviezel as Luke and James Faulkner as Paul. There was a scene where a boy who had been living in the Christian community in Rome had been brutalized and killed by Roman soldiers while he was returning from running a message. Several of the younger men in the community, angered by the senseless killing, decided to take up arms and fight back against the Romans; even going to the extent to try to free Paul from prison and ultimately to overthrow Nero.

While not supported in scripture, I can imagine there have been others who have had the same inclination; the same thought; the same desire to serve justice on those who seek to stamp out Christianity.

In the movie, when the armed resistance tries to convince Paul that he should leave with them. James Faulkner responds to their statements that he will die in prison with,

“You say you come in His name, but it is clear you do not know Him.”

What does it mean to “know Him”?

I started going back through the Gospels and reading what Jesus had to say when confronted by the Pharisees, Sadducees and Sanhedrin. Each time Jesus was challenged, He responded with the authority of God, yet in humility. He rebuked them, but the impact was not the force of His speaking but the truth of His words and the knowledge he possessed as the Son of God.

This was a man who, at the age of 12, was in the temple listening to the teachers and asking them questions:

Luke 2:47

 “Everyone who heard Him was amazed at His understanding and His answers.”

2 Have you been in a situation where you knew, without a doubt, the correct answer to a question but waited patiently for your turn to answer? Calmly waiting to be called on. In no hurry whatsoever. Humbly waiting for your turn.

It is that confidence in knowing you have the right answer. It is that very same confidence that we need to have in what we know about God’s Plan and His sacrifice for us that we need to cling to. But that confidence can only come when we put our trust in God.

That is simply a taste as to what it must have been like. Jesus knows the Law of God. He knows the scriptures. For the teachers and scholars to be attacking Him during his ministry and for Him to show such restraint and humility and to provide the answers to their questions and accusations.

He also knew the prophesy: that He would be hung on a cross, that His blood would be shed to cleanse our sins, and that He would die and in three days be resurrected.

Matthew 26:53

 “Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and He will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels?”

Again, in my youth, I always wanted Jesus to call upon God for those angels to protect Him and save Him. 

But Matthew 26:54 tells us why Jesus did not call upon His Father:

“But how then would the Scriptures be fulfilled that say it must happen in this way?”

Jesus knew why He wouldn’t call upon His Father. He knew exactly what was going to happen to Him in the coming hours: the torture, the humiliation, the pain and suffering. But He also knew why the prophesy had to be fulfilled. He had to fulfill the prophesy out of His love for us. For God’s love for us. For our salvation, the cleansing of our souls from the sin that taints us all by the shedding of his blood. To finally wash away that taint so we will be with Him in heaven for eternity.

John 14:2-3

 “My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go to prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.”

3 So we know why Jesus endured the suffering and anguish. But are we asked to suffer the persecution for the same reason?

Colossians 2:15 - Paul writes:

“And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.”

Jesus Christ has already triumphed over every enemy. God has already won! Christ’s death and resurrection was the final blow.

Philippians 1:21 - Paul says:

“For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”

The last part of that verse I think we all have an idea of what that means. 

“To die is gain”

That simply means we will be with Jesus for eternity when we leave this earth. How joyous is that? But what are we to do in the meantime while we are still here?

Philippians 1:23-24

 “I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.”

Paul is simply saying that while it would be easier to be with Christ in eternity, there is still much work to be done here on earth. As long as he remains here, it is better for other Christians for him to continue God’s work: spreading the Good News, letting the world know that Jesus Christ has conquered all, helping to bring His flock closer to Him.

But why must we endure the persecutions and endure them without without fighting back?

As James Faulkner says in Paul - Apostle of Christ, “Christ has already triumphed over every enemy by the cross.”

There is no need for us to fight back. This life is temporary and our trust in God, to truly believe that Jesus is God’s only son who had been sacrificed for us, that His blood was shed to cleanse us of our sins, and that He rose again and has ascended into heaven, is the key to having that confidence. and that confidence and trust in God is what enables us to endure the persecution.

4 2 Corinthians 4:18 - Paul states:

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

Many have given their lives in service to Jesus Christ: Stephen, Paul, Peter, James, etc. The list goes on.

Perhaps the simplest way of putting it is simply that;

“It doesn’t matter.”

Mark 8:35

 “For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their lifer me and for the gospel will save it.”

Perhaps the best direct lessons we can learn are from Jesus on the cross and Stephen:

Luke 23:34

 “Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.’”

Acts 7:59-60

 “While they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, ‘Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.’ Then he fell on his knees and cried out, ‘Lord, do not hold this sin against them.’ When he had said this, he fell asleep.”

To truly love your fellow man enough to understand that those committing the persecution are as lost as any can be and they are the ones who really need to come to Christ is the real tragedy.

Luke 15:4

 “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it?”

The pain God feels at losing any of His sheep is far greater than any pain we can endure here in this life. Those who are persecuting us are just as lost. To be blinded by such hatred is to be truly lost and they may never be found. Forgiveness for those who persecute us is probably the best show of mercy that we can provide them; even if it is the last act we are able to perform in this life. 

5 James 2:12-13 - James writes:

“Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgement without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgement.”

As God has shown us mercy, so should we all for others; especially those who perpetrate the worst against us. For us to show mercy, is for us to forgive others as God has forgiven us. 

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 - Paul writes:

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Our strength begins with our weaknesses. Our weaknesses make Christ’s power perfect. It is Christ’s power that gives us strength.

Let not your human pride control you. When they attack you, it is the human pride that is wounded and wants to fight back. Lay aside your human pride and let your Christian soul absorb the slings and arrows that cannot harm you. For it is Christ’s work that we are called to do, and it is Christ’s work which satan continually attempts to thwart.

Find that confidence that knowing the answer provides. That confidence will grant you the peace through Christ that you will require to endure to the end.

Spiritual Battle Tactics: Patience and Anger (Quick Tactics)

Patience

 I view patience and anger as related, especially since a loss of patience often results in anger. Many people pray to God for patience. I don't have access to data on whether or not God grants that request. 

Patience isn't magic. It's a virtue. And like any virtue, it has to be cultivated over the course of your entire life. If you want to become more patient, you're going to have to put in some serious work. But it is worth the effort.

Anger

Anger is an emotion. It is perfectly normal. Not all anger is wrong. We are made in the image and likeness of God, and God gets angry. Jesus got angry. The anger itself is not wrong; the response to anger is usually wrong.

Ephesians 4:26 (ESV)

²⁶ Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,

I'm not going to spend much time defining anger or patience. Greater minds have already done this, and this post is focused on tactics; practical steps you can take. Like most "spiritual discipline" material, this will focus on things I've tried that I found work for me.

Health

There are some simple things you can do to get a better response in situations where you typically lose your patience and get angry. I find my response is more even when I'm taking a B vitamin (obviously, nothing I say constitutes health advice). I tend to get cranky when I'm dehydrated, so ensuring I get enough water is important. And definitely do not get in my way prior to my first cup of coffee (I'm usually the first one up anyway). Adequate sleep is important, but I understand some seasons of life do not allow it, especially when you have small children.

For me, getting up and walking around helps a lot. Usually I just pace back and forth. Going for a walk outside is better, but movement helps your mind and body so take what you can get. Stretch. Swing your arms around. Whatever you can do to move.

Breathing

There is a tactic I picked up from a book written by a former Navy SEAL called "box breathing". I've seen indications this is practiced by most special forces personnel. Inhale on a 4 count (that is, inhale while slowly counting 1-2-3-4), hold for a 4 count, then exhale on a 4 count. Repeat this a few times. Deep breathing increases your body's oxygen supply. This clears your mind and relaxes you. I find doing this when I'm angry or frustrated helps reset things.

Music/Prayer

You can try putting on music or praying. I have come to use songs as prayers, and I have a few that I go to regularly. I've taken the time to memorize some songs so I have them available in my head when I need them. The Lord's Prayer is also useful to me. I've found it refocuses my mind on God and not on my own current problem. 

Use whatever music works for you. I memorized some classics like "Amazing Grace" and "A Mighty Fortress Is Our God" as well as some contemporary music by people like Chris Tomlin and Skillet, a current favorite.

Some Christians find devotional material useful. It doesn't work as well for me, but I don't consider myself "normal". I'm inspired by finding new connections between different parts of the Bible, or new discoveries in science or archeology that validate what the Bible says. But over the years, I've gotten on a few devotional email lists and sometimes they're useful. There is a lot of material out there; some of it free.

Give Thanks

There is a reason we're told to give thanks frequently. Thanksgiving also resets your perspective. Are your children making you angry? Think about how blessed you are to have children. This is only a moment in time. Think of the course of your life and the wonderful times you've had with your children and those you're still going to have. You've been blessed with children and with the responsibility to teach them. This will pass.

I had a weird feeling on Thanksgiving 2019. After years of frustrations and challenges and not seeing my children often, I had them for 2 weeks that Thanksgiving. We went over to the in-laws', and I remember having a feeling of being greatly blessed. That's a feeling I can hold onto during trying times. Likewise, when they told me they wanted to be baptized last year. Recalling that now is helping me deal with some uncertainty I'm facing.

Perspective

Thanksgiving is a great perspective reset. Reframe things. Children pestering you? There are far worse problems to have than your children wanting your attention. Is your job frustrating? I get it; I've been there my entire career. But I've also lost a job, so I know having one is something to be thankful for.

I have yet to come up with a successful reframe for junk robocalls.

Conclusion

Those are some quick and easy tactics. Those might help you through some situations, but if you REALLY want to address your patience and anger, it's going to take some work. It will be worth it though. I'll save that for another post.

The Warfare Analogy

 In the church, we often make analogies to war and battle. We talk about "Spiritual Warfare". When we face a crisis, it might be compared to a battle. Those of us with military backgrounds can relate to that, but it seems to have broad appeal to non-military.

The problem is, unlike actual warfare for which you can be trained, there is no real training for this. There is no fire team. There is no damage control. You are on your own with no training, no preparation, and no support.

I served in the Navy as a Fire Controlman. My Naval Enlistment Classification (NEC) was 1127, Block 0 CIWS Technician. I was also qualified on the Target Acquisition System (TAS), Rolling Airframe Missile (RAM), and NATO Sea Sparrow on both the Radar Set Console (ROC) and Firing Officer's Console (FOC). While I didn't have a specific qualification on the Mk 86 Gun Fire Control System (GFCS), I spent enough time around it that I could have taken over the console and operated it in a crisis.

I typically stood watch on the FOC and the CIWS Remote Control Panel (RCP). Both were defensive systems. If a missile or aircraft were approaching the ship, hopefully you could get it with Sea Sparrow and CIWS as a last resort. RAM was added to the ship the last year I was onboard. It was another short range defensive missile system.

We rehearsed missile engagements over and over and over again. Sure, it was boring, but the intent to battle drills is so that when you haven't slept in three days and you're terrified out of your mind, your training takes over and you can continue to do your job. As a team, we had the entire script memorized because one person can't do the entire job. Infantry has their own version of this. They rehearse over and over again so that they can do their jobs in battle under the worst possible conditions. Police also go through a version of this.

We do not have this in the Christian version. There is little to no training. There are no teams. We are on our own. And this is wrong. It is unScriptural. It is NOT Christian. 

When I went through my divorce in 2013, many of my brothers abandoned me on the field of battle. I was scared, confused, angry, frustrated, and a lot of other things. While I had a few close friends who stuck with me, I lost a lot of friends. Some pastors even unfriended me on social media. I guess I was "negative", and that's a sin to them. Abandoning a brother is not a sin to them somehow. It's simply cutting the negativity out of your life.

Some of those who stuck with me gave me advice that was about as useful as "make sure you aim the rifle and pull the trigger" in our war analogy. I knew and had been doing that all along.

One day a couple of coworkers who were very actively NOT Christians could tell I was struggling. They took me to lunch and just listened to me. This was the kind of gift that a pastor with a doctorate in "Marriage and Family counseling" would not give me. I got unfriended by him. But it was a gift nonetheless.

Other brothers would simply spend time with me. My small group leader would have me over for dinner with his family each week ahead of our men's prayer night. This was more valuable than maybe he understood.

I'm not here to complain. I'm only giving this as an example. So how do we make this practical?

I've been reading Ivan Throne lately. He talks of "never leave a brother behind", which should be one of our tenants in the church.

We can't be there for everybody, but we can be there for people in our spheres of influence. If you know of somebody struggling, come along side them. Listen to them. Don't try to offer them advice they probably already know. Rather than telling them "you should pray about this", PRAY WITH THEM. Bear whatever of their burdens you're able. Recruit a few other people to help out. And definitely understand this: you don't have all the facts. They will tell you or not on their own choosing. Sometimes there are underlying sins they don't want out there. You will never have all the facts of somebody's struggle. Just do what you can with what you understand.

If they push you away, let them know you will still support them.

When somebody falls from grace, the same applies. You don't have to agree with them or approve of what they did. God doesn't expect you to do that. But they still need you.

Occasionally, when a prominent figure falls from grace, I'll look up contact information and send them an email saying something like "I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm praying for you. Let me know if I can do anything." I have yet to get a response or even evidence my email was read, but I put it out there. I once offered support to a youth pastor who fell from grace in the worst possible way. He did not want it from me, but I felt a duty to offer.

Don't leave people bleeding on the battlefield. Even the guy in the company you don't like deserves to be dragged to safety and the medic. It is our duty.

I will see what I can do about addressing the battles we're likely to face and tactics for facing them. This is work that clearly needs to be done.

New Post; I Guess I'm Back

I started this blog in 2005 after my second child was born. I've never felt qualified to write it. I felt like I failed at everything and was the worst example for what I wanted to model. 

I haven't written on this blog since my divorce in 2013. But, people were actually reading this blog during the times I started and stopped writing it. And I've been wanting to write again. I maintain a blog under my own name, and I'm thinking of using that for more professional material. But living a successful Christian life with my family is important to me, as it is important to you. 

I've had many failures in life. I've lost a job, I've been through a divorce, I've been deep in debt, I've missed opportunities. I've spent years only seeing my children about two weeks a year. Lots of heartache and despair. 

 I've fought battles and survived. I've learned a lot in that time. I've taken advice that is at best abstract and nearly useless and figured out how to make it practical. I've wrestled with many subjects. 

 You may have found yourself in a situation where the advice you get from pastors and other Christians isn't very helpful. "You should pray!" Like you don't already know that. But what does it mean? 

 Since my last post on this blog, I've remarried. The two boys in that "Family picture" in the top right? They now work at the same McDonalds and have learner's permits. They live with me now as I strive to get them across the finish line to manhood. I spend a sinificant amount of time driving them back and forth to work and church, but there are greater problems to have than two teenagers who enjoy the high school ministry and activities at church. 

 With remarriage came a stepson and much learning, failure, and progress. He is now 19, and the oldest of the three. 

 Perhaps I do have something useful to say. The design for family was meant to be practiced in community. We lack that in our 21st century society. I grew up in the military, and somehow got the message that I was supposed to serve and settle where I land. I ended up far from family in an insular state. I was lost when I first got married and had children. I had few examples to model, and little help. I didn't know what questions to ask, and I didn't have many people I could go to for help. I was on my own. And that's not how it's supposed to work. Most advice was useless. I get "love your wife as Christ loved the church", but what does that MEAN? How do you carry it out? It's too abstract, and yet pastors and fellow Christians throw it at you like it's supposed to help. 

 And when you fail at it, somehow it's your fault. 

When you need to know something like, say, how to replace a toilet valve, it does you no good to find a YouTube video or instructions that say "love your toilet as Mike Rowe loved Dirty Jobs." You need step by step, understandable instructions. And I will take that as my mission: to give understandable, actionable steps for a Christian Family Life. 

I won't be able to solve all problems (I sure haven't for myself), but I will try to make things understandable in a way you may not have seen. I have forged a unique perspective over the course of my life so far. Maybe something I've experienced or learned can help you. 

 One change I made from my own life is telling my children to think about staying in this area. To quote a line from the end of Battlestar Galactica "Where we are is where we'll stay." It caused me physical pain, but in our current climate, I told them to avoid the military. I am at least 3rd generation military, maybe 4th or 5th according to some draft cards I found on Ancestry. One of my boys was excited to be another generation of military in our family, but I don't think that's a good idea at this time. I think they need to settle in this area so when they have their own families, they won't be cut off from support like I was. And having taught both of them how to drive, I told them they owe me grandchildren so they can experience that rite of passage on their own.

Before You Give Advice, Think About How Well It Would Work For You

I haven't kept it a secret that I've been going through a divorce this year. It's been stressful and painful, and has cost a LOT of money.

Through it all, my least favorite people to deal with have been my fellow Christians.

Think about that. Aren't we supposed to be salt and light? Aren't we supposed to be helping each other lighten burdens and proving comfort? Then why don't we?

I'm not talking about the Christian brothers who know me well. It's the ones who sort of know me; but weren't close enough for me to let them in on things until after the die was cast.

The people who saw the pain my 12 year marriage put me through; who saw what I'd done to keep it working; who prayed for me and with me, thought it was probably best. The people who didn't were a galactic pain in my butt.

The moment I came public with my divorce, these Christians were right there "trying" to be helpful and failing drastically.

"You need to FIGHT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE!" Thank you very much. That never occurred to me. Why didn't anybody tell me that 5 years ago? Never thought of that one. Would have made all the difference.

"YOU NEED TO PRAY FOR YOUR MARRIAGE!" Thank you very much. That never occurred to me Why didn't anybody tell me that 5 years ago? Never thought of that one. Would have made all the difference.

My least favorite bits of advice dealt with Fireproof and The Love Dare. You people do know Fireproof is fiction, right? That it's not even based on a true story? And "The Love Dare" is merchandising based on the movie (or the movie is based on the merchandise) and again is not guaranteed. Plus, yes, I did.

Something else I came to loathe was "Well, I just prayed for God to fix my marriage, and He did!" Yeah, that's helpful. I prayed for him to fix mine, and he didn't.

One of the people who gave me some of this recent valuable advice turned out to be going through his own divorce. I seriously toyed with feeding some of it back to him. "You should PRAY FOR YOUR MARRIAGE! I bet that never occurred to you, so do it NOW! You should watch FIREPROOF! I see that Love Dare copy on your desk. READ IT UNTIL IT WORKS!"

But I decided not to. I decided to be merciful to him. I told him I'd pray for him, and I'm sorry to hear that it's happening to him.

In a perfect world, there would be no divorce. We don't live in that world.

On the bright side, it appears God did answer my prayers; just not the way I expected. But I can't go public with that yet. 

Fireproof Review Rewritten

I originally saw "Fireproof" as a pre-screening in 2008. I wrote a review of it. Recently, I looked at my original post, and realized it's crap. I've matured as a writer in the last 5 years. It rambled on too much and gave too many irrelevant details.

The rewritten post is on my main blog, The Stand Up Philosopher.

I also updated it in light of my ex-wife's pending divorce (I call it hers because I sure didn't want it). And I call her ex because, why not? Might as well get use to it. All that's left is a legal definition.

Job- An Alternate Timeline?

Job came up in my church small group today. I've done quite a bit of study on Job. I once took a "Wisdom Literature" class at a non-accredited Bible college that required reading Job in several translations. Yes, I'm a Bible college dropout.

I've never attempted to compare myself to Job. Job was innocent; I seem to have worked pretty hard to get into the trouble I do. For instance, my wife is in the process of divorcing me.

So Job starts out with the "Sons of God" presenting themselves before the throne. Satan is among them. God points out his servant Job. Satan says it would be really easy for Job to curse God. God gives Satan permission. In Chapter 2, Satan ups the ante, and God goes along with it.

In Chapter 3, Job's three friends come from an apparent distance to mourn with him. It says they sat there quietly for 7 days. Then in Chapter 4, Job opens his mouth and wails about how it would have been better had he never been born.

Most of the book is Job's friends' attempts to tell Job "Now, you just wait a minute here!" They each take an attempt, and Job responds, and it escalates. Finally, them and Job run out of things to say, and Elihu opens his verbose mouth (can somebody please shut Elihu up?) and rambles on for 5 chapters.

Then God shows up, and takes Job on a "tour" of exactly where he fits into the grand scheme of things. Job attempts in Chapter 40 to admit he's talking out of turn, but God continues on the tour of majesty. Job repents. God restores Job double what he once had.

It's a great book.

But I've always been left wondering something.

What if Job's friends, rather than start rebuking him after Chapters 4 and 5, tried something different?

What if one of them just gave Job a hug, and told him "It's cool, Job. We'll get you through this"?

The problem with suffering and advice is, most of us are Job's friends. Hey, don't knock them. They traveled far to sit with him in mourning. Those are pretty good friends. They didn't start arguing with him until Job wailed that he should never have been born. Then they tried to defend against his thinking. And Job got defensive, and it escalated. But they were trying to be faithful to what they understood about God.

I notice when I'm in suffering, sometimes other believers become my enemies. Sure, they think they're defending God. They think they're helping. But they're not.

When I lost my job in 2010, somebody at church actually asked me "You know you can find jobs in the paper, right?" It took all my willpower not to sarcastically reply (pardon my French) "No shit! I'm in my late 30's, and nobody ever told me THERE ARE JOBS IN THE NEWSPAPER!"

Just like my divorce. I've been married 12 years. And other Christians, who just find out, come in with "You have to fight for your marriage!" I want to ask "Oh, really? Where were you 5 years ago? That advice would have made all the difference. Why did nobody else share with me this sacred advice?" It's as if I haven't been fighting, and praying, and seeking counsel, and reading books like "Love and Respect", "Sacred Marriage", and other big named and lesser names tomes. Nope, just bouncing around like a ping pong ball in a clothes dryer. Never even occurred to me to pray, you'd think based on the advice of most evangelical Christians.

Others advise me to get "The Love Dare" and run it. Like I haven't already. You do know Fireproof was just a movie, right? And even at that, not based on a true story?

Romans 12:15 says "Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep". Would the story of Job have come out differently if his friends, rather than challenging his rant, decided to weep with him?

Not Sure Where To Go With This Blog

I've never felt qualified to write this blog, even from the day I started it sometime in 2005. The best I can think of is a "what not to do".

Now that my wife and I are scheduled to meet with a "divorce mediator" (and not the kind that tries to talk you out of it), I'm not sure where to go with this blog. Her mind is pretty much set, and short of God showing up in her dreams and talking her out of it, I'm pretty sure the die has been cast. How I'm supposed to drive with her in a car all the way to Princeton, NJ knowing it's for an appointment she set to begin the end of our marriage is something I haven't figured out yet.

It's occurred to me that I have long since stopped listening to Christian "spiritual" leaders who seem to have it all figured out. Those are usually the ones that fall the hardest.

I've never claimed to have it "all figured out". I never want to be viewed that way. I am not our deliverer. I need Him as badly as you do.

So I don't think I'm going to kill the blog. I have no idea if I'll ever get married again or not, but the topic is relevant no matter what I do.

One thing I promise you will not get here is cliched 21st century American churchianity. Our God is perfect, but we are not.

There was a time when I thought I wanted to be an elder in a church. That time has passed. So I'm not that torn up about losing that possibility. Somebody else can handle the petty church politics and "PowerPoint is from the Devil!" stuff elders and pastors have to deal with. It won't be me. But the loss of that possibility crossed my mind as I've seen this point approaching.

Hopefully I'll figure out something to do with the blog.

The original concept came from the question "What exactly does it mean to live a Christian life?" Does that really mean not watching TV and never getting mad? Spending almost every free hour at church functions?