My Policy on Swearing

I am a former sailor. I read Cracked.com. I watch South Park. I am no stranger to foul language. I know what it is, and I know how to use it.

I've been fairly good in my life with keeping my vocabulary clean in situations where those words would not go over well, or would be a poor influence when I'm supposed to be a good influence.

I know some families who are able to keep their children from watching TV, or severely restrict TV watching. That doesn't work for our family. My wife and I both have shows we like, and the kids are always there. I'll let her speak for her own shows, but the kids have been in the room with each of us as we watch our preferred shows.. I tend to avoid shows with gratuitous cussing, but some "damn" and "hell" are unavoidable in many cases. Also in some cases, slang terms for anatomy have become mainstream. They're going to show up.

An Unwalled City

I recently relaunched this blog with a crossover post from my main blog, The Stand Up Philosopher. I was challenged to read Nehemiah from the perspective of male leadership, and it was enlightening.

In the post, I wondered why Nehemiah saw Jerusalem as a reproach without walls. I asked:

For one thing, Nehemiah considered Jerusalem as a reproach with the walls down. Putting the walls back up would make the city no longer a reproach. I have to wonder if there is anything I can draw from that. Is a person, a family, a church, a group, a society, etc. a reproach with a broken wall, a lack of boundaries, or no form of defensive security and self-containment? Is there a broader application?

I've found something of an answer in Proverbs 25:28:

A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.

At the time I recorded that verse in my journal, I was dealing with some anger and boundary issues. I've always had a problem with that. I've been too open, and it cost me a lot of trust from people close to me. 

Through that phase, I started learning self-control. I started learning how to deal with my anger, especially in how I respond. I also started to learn how to separate and compartmentalize parts of my life. I don't think I've ever had trouble with bringing work home, but I've often had trouble with bringing home to work. When I was upset about something at home, it affected my ability to work, and interact with people at work.

I think I finally got that fixed within the last couple of years. I guess you could say I built some appropriate walls.

Nehemiah From the Perspective of Male Leadership

This is a cross post. I originally wrote this on my main blog, The Stand Up Philosopher, about three years ago. I've been thinking about bringing this blog back. People have read it and told me they like my writing. I'm going to kick off the relaunch of Christian Family Life with this repost, then I'll post a series of Proverbs that helped me several years ago while I was dealing with some anger and boundary issues. This was originally posted January 29, 2009. I'm no longer a member of that church for various reasons, one of which being distance.
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My church is going to start a new men’s group. It’s proven to be a real challenge as we are a “freeway church”, that is, our membership is pretty well spread out. We’re not a community church where our membership generally lives nearby. My house is currently about 10 miles from the church, and if we sell and move into my in-laws’, I’ll be 20 miles out. Some people come from even farther. We’re also incredibly busy. Trying to find a date and time for a men’s group to meet has been difficult. I can’t do breakfast meetings because I get to work at 6:30 AM. We finally settled on Thursday afternoon, with our first meeting being today. We’ll see how it goes.

In preparation for our first meeting, I read the book of Nehemiah from the perspective of male leadership. For the past several weeks our pastors have been preaching from Nehemiah. Several things stood out to me during this read. For one thing, Nehemiah considered Jerusalem as a reproach with the walls down. Putting the walls back up would make the city no longer a reproach. I have to wonder if there is anything I can draw from that. Is a person, a family, a church, a group, a society, etc. a reproach with a broken wall, a lack of boundaries, or no form of defensive security and self-containment? Is there a broader application? I don’t like to over-spiritualize or allegorize parts of the Bible for which neither was intended, but in many cases there is a deeper message. I don’t have the answer now, but I do plan to study this.

Distance Homeschooling

I wish I could tell you I took to being a father like a fish to water. Nothing in my life prepared me for small children. Yes, I had a dad. I still have a dad. But I was completely insulated from dealing with babies and small children. I was clueless, and there was nobody to teach, mentor, or disciple me. Not my dad (I lived in New Jersey, he still lives in Texas), not my father in law, and definitely not my wife. I had no close friends with small children. So I was on my own for much of the early years of my children's lives.

Now that they're 6 and 7, things are much easier. I can relate to them. I can reason with them. I can joke with them. And I can still kick their butts.

When I first met Christina in 2000 (Y2K), I'd been doing some reading on homeschooling. I shared that reading with her. Somehow, she agreed. We had Joshua in 2004, and I changed jobs so she could stay home with the kids. We had Caleb in 2005. We've been a single income family since March of 2005, when my employer at the time, BAE Systems, hired me from contract to full time employee, and Christina resigned her job in HR at a lumber yard. It's been tough, and we've made a lot of hard choices, but somehow we've made it with one income.

Should I Keep This Blog?

I started this blog in 2005 after my wife and I had our second child, Caleb. You can tell how long it’s been since the picture was updated. I had some grand ideas for this blog.

The problem is, right after I started it, I realized just how unqualified I am to write it.

Most times, I feel like I’m a failure as a husband, a father, a professional, and as a Christian. Hence, I’m not fit to write about “Christian Family Life”.

But then again, who is?

I’ve started and stopped many blogs. My main blog is currently here, although I haven’t updated it in a while. I’ve tried splitting the topics I’m interested in out, and I’ve tried keeping them in one place.

The weird thing is, occasionally, I get an email, or Facebook contact, or something about this blog, which I’ve done very little with. Every now and again, it seems to help somebody.

Whether I’m qualified to write it or not, I have found that sometimes, a small tip from a fellow traveller who has been a little farther down the same road can be more helpful than a travel guide written by an ivory tower “expert”.

So if this blog is useful to you, let me know.

When I entered fatherhood (heck when I got married), I realized just how unprepared I was. Nothing in my life, not my family, friends, education, anything, had prepared me for what I was to face. And I planted my face on the pavement each and every time I tried like a never-ending run of “It Only Hurts When I Laugh” (Caleb’s favorite show).

I believe discipleship is being able to walk with somebody who has been there, while you’re going there. Jesus picked 12 men to walk with Him. They lived with Him, ministered with Him, were corrected by Him, and above all, prepared by Him. I believe discipleship in the church is missing that component. At least, in the churches I’ve been to and the books I’ve read.

So if you get any use from this blog, let me know. I’ll be happy to post my failures (and maybe the success or two I’ve had) here for edification.

Guest Post: Parents, Get This Book

This is the first guest post I’ve gotten as a blogger.

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“MOM, DAD, I’M BORED.”
3 Easy Activities for Moms, Dads & Their Kids to Share During the Holiday Break
Editor’s Note: You have full permission to use this text and images on your Website, blog and/or publication. Any questions, or for high-res images, contact Roy G. Miller, roy@marketingzen.com, or call 903.422.5117.
•••
The kids are restless, Dad’s glued to the torrential downpour of football games on the TV and the kids are BORED. What’s a holiday-exhausted Mom to do? Forget shopping, chores and barking back at bored kids, try something different and have some holiday fun. Try these three Mom-friendly activities. You’ll be glad you did. So will your kids.
Fun Time #1: Take the BORED out of Board-dom. Go to that forgotten stack of board games in the back closet and re-introduce your kids to great classics like Operation, CandyLand, Battleship, Clue , Trouble and more. Get even more basic, play a game of checkers! Show your kids that fun and entertainment don’t have to blip, flash, explode or require double AA batteries.
Fun Time #2: Story Time. Wait until bedtime, slip on the PJs, warm up the hot chocolate and fire up the fireplace. Get the gets comfortable and focused, then re-kindle the magic of yesteryear with Story Time that tells a dramatic, kid-relevant story—a story that shares the real story of Christmas through the eyes of Little Star. This new children’s book from Author Anthony DeStefano tells the story of one little, insignificant Star and how he becomes more than significant by ushering in a newborn King named Jesus.
AN EXTRA BONUS! SEE PAT BOONE read the story at http://tinyurl.com/littlestar, or get your own copy. More at www.anthonydestefano.com.
Fun Time #3: A Hilarious History Lesson. Give your kids the laugh of a lifetime and share a little of your family history too. Blow the dust off those photo albums—and boxes of old photos—and let them see you and Mom when you were kids and teenagers. Yeah, they’ll gasp and gawk and never stop ribbing you about it. It’s a great time to reminisce and roar with laughter. Plus, your kids will now understand why you’re always taking their pictures. You can make fun of them in 20 years!
Happy Holidays!
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Anthony DeStefano

www.anthonydestefano.com

“Have you thought about Heaven lately? Wonder what it’s like? How you can get there? A Travel Guide to Heaven explains it all. And while it may be your final destination, it will be the best trip you ever took. Heaven, it turns out, really is Heaven!”

The Christian Chronicle » features » people » Tank Daniels' church family hoping for Giants win in Super Bowl

The Christian Chronicle » features » people » Tank Daniels' church family hoping for Giants win in Super Bowl

I honestly don't care for sports. I'm pretty much apathetic to sports. I'll make one exception though. A member of my church is going to the Super Bowl. I probably won't pay any more attention to the Super Bowl than I ever have (which is very little), but I will follow the admonition no matter what the outcome:

Rom 12:15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.(NKJV)

I've never really cared who won the Super Bowl, but this year I *might* fell a tug in my heart toward the Giants.

Technorati Tags: Super Bowl,Football,Giants,Church member

Children and TV

This will be a short post. I might put up a longer post the topic of children sleeping in bed. Our children sleep in the bed with us. It's a long story, which I may cover later. This post is nothing more than an anecdote.

I get up at 5 AM during the week, so I typically go to bed early. I take one of our kids with me and my wife comes to bed with the other one later. I usually watch TV until the kid I brought to bed with me falls asleep, then I roll over. Lately I've developed an obsession with the show "House", and I've been watching seasons 1 and 2 in the DVD player at night. One morning, after watching House with me the night before, my two year old, Caleb, woke up and told my wife "We need a crash cart in here."

Heh, heh, heh.

Actually, I have several subjects that I can write about later.

Ransomed Heart Podcast

For anyone interesting, Ransomed Heart has a podcast. Ransomed Heart is the ministry of John Eldridge, author of "Wild At Heart" and several other books. I read both "Wild At Heart" and "The Way of the Wild Heart" last year. You can subscribe to the podcast at http://www.ransomedheart.com/podcast or through the iTunes store directly. Both audio and video are available. I can't provide a review as I just subscribed. I'll write more after I've had a chance to listen.